Blerg!

No more caffeine for this jittery nerve-wreck...this morning was the final straw...final bag anyways. 

I love you green tea, and cliched I know, but it's most definitely NOT you, it's me. I just can't tolerate your near exact coffee level of central nervous system stimulation. Luckily the Swede's have had this problem (I'm guessing) for longer then I...and the Swiss water process is where it's at. 

At least the ensuing diuresis isn't effecting my monitored call centre statistics for once :)

I've had absolutely nothing nice to say about the TTC lately, and most especially not the #80 Keele bus we're forced to deal with on an all too regular basis...

today however, I can finally THANK YOU for not coming (don't expect that to happen again). It's been a while since I had a day off, and today fits the bill perfectly. 

Can you believe it's already November?

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!

But since I already have those...and...well...adamantly choose not to celebrate Christmas...I'd like these:

* the new apartment 

* everything we want/need for the new apartment

* itouches (that's right, plural...we need 2)

* my CPA enrollment/books, along with the confidence and studying power to complete the course with an overall mark of 80% or over

* PN launch

* sanity

* SG version 1.0 to be stricken from the records (if you only knew)

As non-descript as I tend to be here (sweet cherished personal privacy), there's actually a LOT to be accomplished before year end, and even more so during the new calendar year.

While I might not keep the interwebs up to date (what can I say, I'm a busy beaver), at least I'm dated up ;)

And extremely excited to decorate our new space!...1 thing I will be forever indebted to my mom, as she actually did a great job honing my love, interest, and knowledge of home decoration ( D.I.Y!) .

*muah*

Area 51 = High Park <3

Rewind...fast forward...play!

Hiya...or should I say, HI-YA!

I mean...we did kind of hang out with Bruce Lee last night. He lives eternally at our eerily coincidental old school pool hall hangout, Captain Snookers, in Mississauga. I kid you not (he's there both in person AND via kickass caricature on the wall!).

Last weekend simply cannot be summed via word for word blog entry (nor pictures, as none were taken), but thankfully it was firmly engrained into my pulpy brain film...and...well...was sheer unforgettable bliss <3

We enjoyed electro awesomeness!

here ---> The Social

Refused to sleep, dolled up and strolled over to eat on the Titanic. Verifying front row and center, that the band went down playing.

here ---> Palais Royale

And as always, ended up in tomfoolery...

here ---> High Park

Fun, food, and nature...with you <3

I thought I was dreaming (insobriety aside...hehe) the whole time.

This weekend we've been easing back into the real world. My least favourite place to be...well it used to be...until we met...

Things have changed...and how.

*smiles*

<3

:) + :( = :/

I don't even know where to start...

These are just a random spattering of some very personal topics that have been on my mind lately:

- my new job is such a blessing
- I refuse to make any more big mistakes in life
- my immediate family is seriously tragic (I cry about this a lot)
- money is an ongoing battle...but one I'm confident will eventually be won
- assuming a new identity is not an option, but the amount of collectors on my ass is BAD...scary actually...
- my health is improving and getting better every month (I think)
- I'm so madly in love...*blush*
- I can't afford a divorce, but would like one very much
- if I don't take it one day at a time I'll be committed (seriously)...but if I don't plan ahead I'm screwed...
- I have a cluttered life that's going to be organized no matter what it takes
- I'm done with putting every one ahead of myself
- Our soon-to-be new apartment is going to be so, SO amazing in every way
- there's no reason for my dreams not to become realities
- I'm not alone anymore <3
- the tumor-y growth thing in my lower region has been growing...and is not a good luck charm that cannot be removed, heh
- I'm a stronger soul then I ever could, or would have imagined
- pretty sure that I'm in the home stretch of one of the worst transitional periods of my entire life
- I love life more then life

There's more...much more...but that's enough for now :P

This list is by no means an accurate (or current) profile of *ever* changing me...I just haven't had the time, space, or means to journal much lately...

It's more then o.k.

All of a sudden I started having a pretty deepening "This too shall pass" moment...not fun...but I am human after all.

Or is the verdict still out on that one? lol :P

Logically (and thankfully), it was easily diverted.

I kind of have an equal amount of excitement/anxiousness/uncertainty about life right now...

Things are going almost too good...I can see and feel my goals and dreams slowly meshing with reality lately...it's unreal.

There have always been a lot of 'never'(s) in my life. I'm no stranger to serious negativity (from myself, my partner, my family, + ).

Maybe I'm just not entirely used to this awesomeness I now call life...I've always felt that I could never truly strive without an almost 100% positive environment...wow, I really am a hippie...

The fact that I'm STILL in a bit of limbo...a lot actually...
*lowers the limbo stick*
bleh...I just have too much time on my hands to worry. Damn me and my womantastically worrying ways!

The moral of the story is that...well...I dunno...moral schmoral. I let the Animaniac's and their turning wheel decide mine ;)

One of those 'never'(s) I used to have...was that I'd never have *this*...

But I do <3

*<\worry>*

XY

Today I realized that I like to play with boys, and sleep with men...

However, I only use the plural versions of those nouns to appease the grammar police :P

So I guess what I really realized, is that all that & MORE, exists...coexists actually...right under my roof!!!

I'm wearing his sweater as we speak ;)

UNF <3

Note to Self: Get more photographic evidence of his handsomeness to disprove potential disbelievers *. *(...of your awesomeness :P x0x0x )

And a good day to you too.

I really wasn't expecting today to be a day off...but it is now...so I'm going to use it to the best of my abilities!

We somehow managed to wake each other up and out of slumps through tidying this morning... <3

It's impressive to see what can happen when everything is organized efficiently. We're well on our way in that department cutie, you haven't seen anything yet, muahahahah ;)

August is taking it's sweet time to get here...I'm trying to be patient, but it's hard. It'll be so much easier to accomplish many of my awaiting goals once it arrives!

Not that July hasn't had it's share of uber super goodness (this past weekend was literally unbelievable sinfully delicious sex 24/7 *drools*), and I know there's more to come.

A cleaning I shall go...



LOL

Spy vs. Spy

I really shouldn't read your personal stuff secretly (amongst others)...so from now on I'm not going to...

It only enables parts of my brain that starts asking many questions that shouldn't be thought of, let alone asked...I'm already waaay too analytical :P

It's not that I don't trust you...I do trust you actually, very much <3

I'm just used to having my stuff read (a Sys. Admin. in my past probably doesn't help there) secretly, and I really wanted to be on the other side too.

Now that I've been there, I've hopped back to the other side permanently!

Too much time and not enough living...Time to scratch that, and reverse it quicker then my favourite jungle rewind.

GOAL!

So long as we motivate each other in the right ways, the goals we set seem to line up and score each and every time.

There are quite few on the horizon, and since I'm still a little blown away with what we've accomplished so far (in a short time, with mainly minimal effort)...I can only imagine what's to come from the results of our never ending dreams and wishes <3

I can also only imagine how many more times we're going to fall in love in the process...*blush*

Take 2...Action!

I'm starting to think a love like ours might be unparalleled...

I fell for you so hard on the weekend...over, and over, and over again...

It pains me quite a bit that we're on different levels career-wise...but it's also probably very meant to be for reasons that I just can't (and probably won't, or shouldn't) comprehend.

Change is on it's way regardless in that day to day function, and holy moly I can't wait! (who will the winner be?!?! no more losers for me :P )

I have a lot to give you...I think you see that...

I want you to be as proud of me as I am of you (at least sometimes!).

Yes, I'm a little slower then some...but don't the good things in life come to those who wait?

Patience is indeed a virtue.

*************************************************************************************

"You can flash-fry a buffalo in forty seconds."

: "Forty seconds? But I want it now!"

WIll You Still Love Me?

I was going to write a really lovey dovey poetic entry yesterday...I should have...

I now know, and understand, that you're generally unaware of how I'm actually feeling day to day.

At least that's easily solved!
(I hope.)

For as long as I can remember I've yearned for a partner (friend, family member...anyone really) who *actually* wanted to get to know me, and cared...

I finally found you <3

I won't deny that there is a lot of bad...but there's also *so* much more good.

Recap...Sort Of

T'was a blissfully amazing weekend...

It was one that I know I won't forget, and therefore won't be detailing as it's just unnecessary.

It ended shortly (or should I say curtly) at around 1am Saturday night, and from there...truthfully...pretty much ceases to exist until right now (blocking out the ick, no need to shadow the awesome, heh).

Still awaiting the new part-time job I desperately need...but I know I'll have it soon!

I've become painfully aware of the fact that I need to journal on a daily basis...but it won't be here...I like writing outside of the lines (it matches my thinking) :P

Feeling very weird with regards to us right now...but I don't think that's entirely off, as there's been a lot of negativity in our relationship over the past week or so...

I really don't see the disconnect sometimes, so it makes me wonder...

I'm not looking to sweat over the small things in life...and I really hope my life long partner feels the same.

I like happy.

That's what I'm going for.

Hopefully you are too (wonder, wonder, wonder...) <3

The Power of Failure

J.K. Rowling's terrific commencement address at Harvard is available as a video, MP3, or text.

http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html

"The fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure....

I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality. So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ,...Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way....Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned...."

If at first you don't succeed... ;)

The New Girl

At long last this week is coming to a close.

It hasn't been the greatest one in memory, nor has it been the worst.

On a personal note; there were some extremely negative outbursts, that I'm not entirely proud to have been a part of. I don't feel as though anything even remarkably close to what happened should (or will) happen again. However...if the issues which arose...zombify...and decide not to die...I'll be choosing to *thwomp* them sharply on the head and running for the hills...

I find it extremely difficult to tolerate unnecessary personal drama, anger, and the many forms of hate that we can so easily and callously spread. I could be wrong, but these types of eruptions seem to multiply (internally and externally) quite a bit faster then their positive counterparts.

I want to enjoy the time I have remaining here on earth (and more so with you <3) with as few of those factors extending into my life as possible.

Anyhoo...

The horrific job aforementioned in this journal is now caput.

It's nice finally having the cahones to get, do, and be, what I want in life...both personally and professionally.

I'm growing up in a great way...I didn't treat myself as well as I could have in the past...but that's just what that is now...the past :)

From now on you're gettin' Sharon on 10.
I used to be Sharon on 6, and once, I was even Sharon on 3 and 3/8.
But now, I'm Sharon cranked to the max!
Deal with it!

hehe

Man oh Man

Oh, Miss R...

99% of the time I'm so insanely proud to be a woman.

Today however, that 1% reared its ugly head...

I'm not on my period, in P.M.S week, taking pills, recuperating from a bender, etc....
I've been eating pretty well, taking vitamins, getting exercise, etc.
...and yet, I've had the most whacked out emotions, thoughts, and feelings, ALL day!

Stupid female hormones *grumbles*

Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to be a man :P

Dun Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNN

The search is on once again...

Perhaps I should have been a bit more selective and less quick to the draw...but either way I couldn't have known what I now do...Luckily, I can (and will) get another one that is better then better in the very, VERY near future :P

Either way, I won't be without money (F-that yo)...and I'm so excited to plan dates, picnics, and fun things galore for us to do together, now that the financial side of things is easing in a really great way!

The west end is so romantic, and I guess I am (or can be) too *blush*

P.S - I still fall every day...and no...not from my bike <3

Vita-mine

Health is wealth to me...and I'm finally starting to make some serious investments!

I rode my bike to work for the first time ever this morning and it felt so good coasting alongside that sardine-packed streetcar, that would have normally featured my pale face in one of the grimey windows.

This weekend is shaping up to be a great refresher to another work week start and I'm really looking forward to every moment we get to spend together ;)

*******************************************************************************

Ouuu...random score...I just found a box of Rooibos tea in the storage closet...UNF...off to the kitchen I go, later skater!

To (immediately) Do

Some of these should have been done a while back...but...life happens :)

- Call Visa collector guys
- Plead and win $0 fee for my now cubed car
- Clean up the apartment thoroughly
- Organize and get rid of some of the extra clutter (the Goodwill bag in the closet, computer parts...)
- Heal lip! (almost there)
- Make, and use up, as much of the current fridge stock as possible (to be repopulated this weekend) to create tons of yumminess
- Quit nitpicking Kyle (I always think I'm helping, but I'm not...must...stop)
- Keep on keepin' on

...after I get paid in just over a week from now my 'To-Do's' (especially the extended ones) are going to become much less blah!

The buck stops here...no wait...it's just beginning!

For someone who very rarely gets nervous, there's a whole slew of butterfly wings tickling my insides today...

I really hope everything goes well for both of us with our new positions (both in the workplace, and in life...)...I'm not worried....but at the same time, I am...

If we're on the same page (or at least in the same book)...I'm pretty sure it'll build and lead into an amazing story with a definite 'happily ever after'...though I feel like we're still in the introductory chapter right now...

Oh the suspense!

Water on the brain...

^
...not literally though!

Figuratively speaking it translates into the new position I have accepted, and will be starting this coming Monday morning with City Water International - www.cityh2o.com

:D

I'm quite pleased as the pay rate is pretty decent...and it's only a short jaunt from my now previous commute at King/Bathurst. It's very similar to a position I held with Crystal Springs (now Canadian Springs) years ago. It's eerily exciting to resume the Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm shift...and even though an hour lunch break wouldn't be my personal choice...the fact that we have a little gym in the building to use free of charge is a great benefit, and I look forward to ensuring that my health goals remain well intact...despite sitting on my behind for hours at a time!

...finally ;)

Restart

Sitting here in my dad's apartment, and my old bedroom in particular...past memories, both good and bad spring eternal.
As toxic as he's been throughout my life (as well as for it), I've never had a single friend or family member who's cared even 1/2 as much about me over the past 27 years (Kyle excluded of course).
Kind of sad really...especially after just watching a television show discussing how it truly does take a village to raise a child, and how the amount of love they receive is surely one of the strongest developmental factors in existence.
...pity party aside :P

I kind of feel like I've been given a second chance at life lately...

New life, new love, new job, new me...I hope...

My hormones seem to have the best (aka worst) of me today...but this is to be expected pretty much every 4 weeks, heh.

I've been harping endlessly lately over my need for four legged companionship, and now low and behold...my ancient (now *well* over a decade old), evil kitten has decided to sit directly in my crossed legs, purring away loudly as I write this (something she has never EVER done)...I needed that <3

Cause we are living in a material world....and I'm a capatalistic hippie girl!

If I could give myself a belated house warming present it would be this:


If my dad finally wins the lottery like he keeps telling me he's going to, lol...then this too shall be mine:

*purrrs*

Everything around us will become supersized...

Interviews are on their way (and in your case completed!), and I'm quite excited to earn some decent money soon enough :D

I'm not necessarily a material person, however there are still quite a few dollar oriented goals, projects, and purchases...that are going to become SO much easier for both of us quite soon!

Until then, we've got many dates to plan and enjoy...*daydreams* <3

"Cause I've been dreaming we could be the fire for this night.
Can't stop..."
^
Digitalism - Pogo

I could relate us to every song I love...*blush*

Hor'oh'scoping

Oh my...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When KG and SG come together in a love affair, the inherent polarity of the Zodiac is invoked. KG and SG are directly opposite one another in the Zodiac -- 180 degrees apart. Each Sign possesses qualities that the other lacks; combined with SG's natural yen for harmony, this can be a relationship that enjoys great balance. KG is the Sign of Self while SG is the Sign of Partnership, and the differences continue: KG is impulsive, excitable and ready to jump right into something new and exciting, while SG is indecisive, peace-loving and prefers a calm, smooth approach. KG can learn from SG that their own way isn't necessarily the best way.

These two share the great sexual attraction common to all that are opposite in polarity. At the same time, though this pair's connection is amazing when it's good, it can be extremely challenging when it's bad. All polarities have energies that tend to tangle or knot if understandings can't be reached. As a combination, KG and SG are well-balanced. Charming, cultured SG can teach brash KG something about style. SG prizes harmony in a relationship and will go to great lengths to maintain it. KG is very decisive and can teach indecisive SG about relying on intuition for answers.

KG is ruled by the Planet Mars and SG is ruled by the Planet Venus. This is a great match, as these are the Planets of Passion and Love, respectively. Venus and Mars go well together as they're the two sides of the love relationship coin. They're universally recognized as male and female and this relationship is a good balance of masculine and feminine energy. Venus is about the beauty of romance while Mars is about the passion of romance. What a good combination!

KG is a Fire Sign and SG is an Air Sign. Air fuels Fire and helps it grow and spread. KG can have a very positive effect on SG's growth, ideas and progress; KG can help SG put their ideas into action. Working together can be challenging at times, however, due to their polarity. KG's fast-paced, impetuous approach to projects may conflict with SG's more balanced, intellectual approach. However, both have wide-ranging interests, and at the end of a long, active day, KG can come home full of interesting stories to tell the more cerebral SG!

KG and SG both have a lot of initiative -- but lack in follow-through. They both tend to start things they're never going to finish, whether it's a job, a project, a relationship ... KG will appear to be the leader because of their energy and forceful nature, but SG leads from an intellectual standpoint. Both want to be in charge, but KG uses force and sometimes intimidation to get what they want while SG uses charm and sometimes manipulation. Compromise is essential to this relationship's health. Diplomatic SG has a much easier time with compromise than does KG, who strongly dislikes yielding to another person, viewing it as submission. SG may have to give in more often to KG's wishes in order to keep the peace that they so cherish.

What's the best aspect of the KG-SG relationship? The harmony resulting from the union of Venus and Mars. The balance between self and other represented by this polarity is a great learning experience for both. Each brings to the relationship what the other is missing, making for a wonderful balance.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

<3>

More'B...I <3 B'more

Had some fun being anti-social at the Social to see Justin on his birthday (can't wait to give him our gift!)...even when we're tired and having a 'quiet' Monday night out (lol)...I fell for you at least a few times (alcohol-less and tired to boot, hah)...

This morning I received a call back from Ace Bakery to inform me that they loved me, but just had to hire the one other person they had it narrowed down to, based upon their experience...no biggie...she informed me that she would still like to contact me if something else becomes available, which was really nice :)

Nevertheless...I have a few new leads that are now already in progress so the winner shall be chosen quite soon!

I'm going to make sure you ace your second interview tomorrow in more ways then 1 cutie, so I know for sure you'll be asked to accept it shortly after ;)

Gah...I hope super happy, healthy, sexy people aren't the likeliest to self-combust or something...lol :P

*trogsplodes*

Limbo

This past weekend was super fun, and included a great little Gallant family multiple birthday get together. I often miss not having a close knit family of my own (as you know all too well) and am so happy to be included and accepted into yours...
<3

Kind of feels like we're in a high speed race job-wise, with the final lap approaching any moment now...
I need A LOT more to distract me until then...ugh...suppose I should study :P

Meditation time first though...
I'm not sure why, but there is a lot of negative energy and thought occupying itself in my head today.

The Bread Winner

I really hope that I get chosen for the ACE Bakery position I interviewed for this week. I received a very positive response from the thank-you letter that I sent last night...hope, hope, hope!

My soon to be official new roommate seems to be transitioning into permanency in the west end really well, and I foresee so much awesomeness between us in our journeys together...I can hardly wait <3

I'm slowly re-introducing a much healthier regime back into my daily life now that the weather has warmed up (yay bike riding!), and even though I don't really want to...
I think I might cut alcohol out of my diet. It's never agreed with me, and I have a penchant for recreational enjoyment from alternative sources which I would much prefer to be spending the booze fund on.

Tonight I'd like to spend the otherwise average G&T tab purchasing a new game to add to our collection!

Rock On

This past weekend rocked...it even metaled for a bit ;)
(albeit, there were a few slight rocks along the road too...)

Welcome to the jungle Mr. 24 year old <3

I can honestly say that I haven't been as happy as I have been recently...in at least a few years, and the best of the rest is yet to come.

I know there are still many baby steps to be taken and I'm ready for each one. There are so many incredible notions and potions that I have up these sleeves I can't wait to employ...and speaking of...I know I'll be getting an awesome new job very soon to compound everything even further!

Wakey Wakey

I hope everything is o.k between us. This morning you were so blah it wasn't funny, and I'm really wondering if the lack of sleep you seem to consistently have is effecting your mental state...

We're obviously both still harboring slight insecurities that are just so extremely unnecessary...and you're haphazardly fooling yourself if you disagree...

I know you like to kid around with me verbally, but I feel like it's going to take a lot more time and effort before you truly trust me :(

I know I'm worth it...much more then I think you know in fact :P

All Good Things

I know I should have lined up a new job previous to quitting my last one, but I'm really glad I didn't. I really needed this week off, and am so extremely happy to now be getting everything in order for this upcoming summer.

The government decided to love me monetarily a LOT more then I had originally calculated. This year's H & R block experience was thankfully (from what I can recall) the exact opposite of the one I had this time last year...as is everything I've experienced running through my heart, body, and soul lately though...

Along with being healthy and happy, all I want to do is thank you...every day...I was NOT in a good place only a year ago...and I now have only the strengths garnered from that period remaining, as we move forward both individually and together <3

I'm looking forward to each day and it's inevitable bevy of growth, education, activity, love...I could keep going, lol. When 2 bustling brains combine...have they scientifically tested what happens yet?
...probably not.

If you combine the addition of wheels, good weather, and yummy healthy food, the possibilities are, and will be, endless ;)

We should get my camera fixed sooner then later so that we can get some of these escapades photographically archived
(even though some will eventually become
comics...or you know, novely graphic'd...hehe <3). I'd love another lesson on how to take actual photo's soon, please.

And...I found a place in the Junction to take cheap flute lessons!

Oh man...mmm...the Sweet Potato organic grocery store...your soon to be new employer perhaps *fingers crossed*

Too many good things <3

Time to make chili with some spicy music to booty shake to...I'm pretty sure that's the secret to making it taste extra good ;)

I've been humming this all afternoon, thinking of you...

*cues old time band*

The night we met I knew I...needed you so
and if I had the chance I'd...never let you go.
So won't you say you love me,
I'll make you so proud of me.
We'll make 'em turn their heads every place we go ;)

So won't you, please, 'BE MY BE MY BABY'
be my little. baby 'MY ONE AND ONLY BABY'
Say you'll be my darlin', 'BE MY BE MY BABY'
be my baby now. 'MY ONE AND ONLY BABY'
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh.

I'll make you happy, baby...just wait and see.
For every kiss you give me...I'll give you three.
Oh, since the day I saw you,
I have been waiting for you.
You know I will adore you 'til eternity.

So won't you, please, 'BE MY BE MY BABY'
be my little. baby 'MY ONE AND ONLY BABY'
Say you'll be my darlin', 'BE MY BE MY BABY'
be my baby now. 'MY ONE AND ONLY BABY'
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh.

So come on and, please, 'BE MY BE MY BABY'
be my little. baby 'MY ONE AND ONLY BABY'
Say you'll be my darlin', 'BE MY BE MY BABY'
be my baby now. 'MY ONE AND ONLY BABY'
Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh.

*blush*

<3

Overqualified (and taxed!)

It was nice to have a Monday off to...well...relax...I'd like to get a great new job much sooner then later though!
Steps were taken to elevate and boost Kyle's soon-to-be-new-job chances today, and I know he's going to have to make some exciting life changing decisions soon ;)

I haven't even truly decided where I want to go/be next, work wise...but I'm trusting my gut, and I know that everything will work out.

It would have been nice to have my tax return pre-deposited and ready to spend in the incoming weeks, alas...waiting for the meager sum will take quite a bit longer now that I have decided to take the matter into my own hands, heh :P

Spring might come in like a lion and out like a lamb...but I'm already here and I don't plan on going anywhere, aside from blossoming in the blooms <3

mmm...geekery

There's no denying my love of old science <3
Thank you Flickr for bringing it alive via vintage imagery!

http://www.flickr.com/groups/vintagescience/pool/

Only time will tell...

I think I'm finally getting the first pangs of fear related to the changes I hope to make in the very near future.

I know everything will work out the way I want it to if I concentrate and work hard enough for it...but there is an enormous amount of unknown up ahead.

I'm just going to stick to the lists I know and love (some made, some not) to help guide me through these transitions...hopefully ensuring that I get where I need to be, happily.

Since the weather is finally permitting decent outdoor time again, I think I'll take a nice walk home after work tonight to think positive thoughts about spring 2008.

Tilt

This morning seems...off...

If it weren't for a lot of sweet, helpful people on the streetcar, I would have completely forgotten my laptop on it this morning.

Then I left my bank card in the machine after getting out money I owed to the office...
Thankfully, it was still there, since the branch I used downstairs hardly ever has anyone using it at this hour!

Before I could get to our 2nd floor office I spotted one of my ex-crushes girlfriend in the lobby...feeling weirded out enough already...I booted it to the other set of elevators we (luckily) have in the building :\

I think I just need some time alone...which I'll have plenty of tonight :)

Final Countdown

No more tears soon...well, not job related ones anyways!

Only less then 2 weeks left to have to deal with all of this.
^
I have this phrase on repeat in my brain currently to assist with the remaining BS I have to deal with.

*long sigh*

Things are going to be better!

Less then 2 weeks left...less then 2 weeks left...

Aneurism

Wow...I actually don't care where I work in the next 2 weeks...I just can't be here.

This is a first for me, and I didn't realize how dire the situation was until now.

I now you don't like hearing me talk about what a failure I am, nor do I like thinking or talking about it...really hoping this next position isn't quite such an epic fail :\

Temporary Discomfort

I know you don't get these...and I'm sorry this winter has been bringing them out of me left right and centre :(

If for any reason you feel I'm distant towards you in the next 5 days, it's not personal, and whether I'm intentionally doing it or not, it really has nothing to do with any actual changes between us.

I've convinced myself that it's a bit of a blessing in disguise, because now I won't be as easily distracted by the need to kiss you non-stop while we're together.

The time I need to heal can now be used to focus even harder on the new job I'll be working towards procuring and securing this week, and next.

Please be as patient as possible with me...I promise to do the same in return :)

Eerie, Indiana

Aries/Virgo

The theme for this relationship is constant adjustment. This is a challenging pairing that is assured to bring growth. From the solar (Sun) perspective these two signs have very little in common. This relationship does not fall under the category of opposites attract either, each person is unique, has distinct differences and strengths. Aries is action oriented where Virgo is logical and rational preferring to plan a prudent course of action before actually doing anything. Virgo can help keep the Aries focused and help avert problems of acting in haste. The Aries can help the Virgo move ahead and not to be too cautious. This can be a very supportive relationship provided both of you can agree to disagree, and have an open mind about life. Offer not criticism, cherish the fact that the other is helping you be better, more grounded and helping round off your rough edges. Virgo may be refined, but this did not just happen - an irritation of a grain of sand is what grows into a pearl inside an oyster.
You need to embrace the change and adjustment, this relationship will make each one of you a stronger individual and one that has learned to know not only the other but himself/herself better. The excitement in this relationship is the fact that you are growing together, you are becoming both self-aware and aware of the relationship. You need to accept the things you cannot change and accept that you can truly only change yourself and your attitude.
All relationships were made in heaven, so to speak, but they are lived and experienced here on Earth. Sometimes we are not ready for challenging relationships such as this combination of Fire and Earth when we are young, but as we mature our relationship needs can change. It takes strength to discover yourself while also working on a relationship. It is totally different if you read about how you are or ought to be, but living it is a whole new ball-game.

Professionally...

we'll see!

I know there's a great postion not too far from where I am in the West end waiting for me...

I'll find out what and where in the next 2 weeks :D

All I know is that I'm finally going to be headed in the right direction to ensure that I'm working to live...I don't live to work (not for money anways).

...to be continued...

Personally...

things are going so incredibly well between Archie and I.
<3
He meets criteria I didn't even know I had (or existed), and is exceedingly creating new standards in what I now know, and think, love and happiness should include...

I intend to keep our dating to a maximum (forever), and with the weather now becoming quite bearable, look forward to planning many, many, MANY, experiences to bond, learn, and love together.

Sexually...I become a babbling brook (literally and figuratively, hah!) with this man...I think we sometimes dabble into the tantric world naturally, and unintentionally...based soley on the extreme passion we have no trouble letting loose towards each other ;)

...lost myself in the memory of one of last night's orgasms there for a second...

Where was I?

...

Supporting Evil

http://awesome.goodmagazine.com/features/009/009buyingorganic.html

I've known this for quite some time, and it still stinks...it's hard not to be anti-corporate :(

Doing good :)

Yet another reason to love Terry Pratchett...

http://www.paulkidby.com/news/index.html

<3 <3 <3

Spring Forward

So we're all headed towards some serious, but great and exciting changes this coming season :D

New jobs, housing, bank account activity (heh :P), and more...

I have a zillion (at least) things unofficially planned that I'd like brought to life in the near future, but they're all being stored securely until scheduled in the database behind my eyes ;)

Can't decide what I want to do for your birthday this year...I didn't do anything remarkable...if anything at all, last year...so I'm thinking that this year will have to be different...*ponders*

It's not our official anniversary for the year...but I still think it's pretty nifty that we'll have been going steady for about a year soon enough Archie <3

Supposed polar opposites braving a very polar city!

Look out weekends cuz...here we come...because weekends are...meant for fun!
...and this past one was no exception :D

Yet another busy (very busy probably! ) week ahead, but when you're smart, and super awesome like us, the fun persists right through the work week ;)

Am I allowed to just boast about what an amazing couple we are?
I don't have the journal space to go into the exact specifics, hehehe...we just are <3

Food of the Day: Soy Milk

Soymilk is the rich creamy milk of whole soybeans. With its unique nutty flavor and rich nutrition, soymilk can be used in a variety of ways.

In China and Japan, fresh soymilk is made daily using a simple, centuries-old process of grinding soaked and cooked soybeans and pressing the dissolved soymilk out of the beans. In these countries, soymilk is sold by street vendors or in cafes. It is served hot or cold and is often sweetened for a delightful beverage or flavored with soy sauce, onion and vegetables to produce a spicy soup.

A faux soymilk can be made from soy flour, or soybeans.

Buying & Storing Soymilk

Soymilk is sold in supermarkets, health food stores and specialty food shops. It is most commonly found in aseptic (non-refrigerated) quart and 8-ounce containers, but is also sold refrigerated in plastic quart and half-gallon containers.

Unopened, aseptically packaged soymilk can be stored at room temperature for several months. Once it is opened, the soymilk must be refrigerated. It will stay fresh for about 5 days.

Soymilk also is sold as a powder, which must be mixed with water.

Soymilk powder should be stored in the refrigerator or freezer.

Types of Soymilk

Soymilk is available as a plain, unflavored beverage or in a variety of flavors including chocolate, vanilla, carob and almond. With the growing interest in lower-fat products, a number of "lite" soymilks, with reduced fat content, are appearing on the market.

Nutritional Value of Soymilk

Plain, unfortified soymilk is an excellent source of high-quality protein, B-vitamins and iron. Some brands of soymilk are fortified with vitamins and minerals and are good sources of calcium, vitamin D and vitamin B-12. Soymilk is free of the milk sugar lactose and is a good choice for people who are lactose intolerant. Also, it is a good alternative for those who are allergic to cow's milk. Children can enjoy homemade or commercially prepared soymilk after the age of 1 year. Infants under 1 year of age should be fed breast milk, commercially prepared infant formula or commercial soymilk infant formula.

Nutrients in 8 ounces of plain soymilk:

	Regular Soymilk	Lite Soymilk (reduced fat)
Calories (gm)	140	100
Protein (gm)	10.0	4.0
Fat (gm)	4.0	2.0
Carbohydrate (gm)	14.0	16.0
Sodium (mg)	120.0	100.0
Iron (mg)	1.8	0.6
Riboflavin (mg)	0.1	11.0
Calcium (mg)	80.0	80.0

Source: product analysis

Tips For Using Soymilk

Soymilk can be used in almost any way that cow's milk is used.

• Try plain or flavored soymilk as a refreshing drink
• Pour soymilk over hot or cold breakfast cereal
• Use soymilk to make cream sauces that are cholesterol-free and low in saturated fat
• Make rich pancake and waffle mixes
• Create your own delicious shakes with soymilk, ice cream or tofu and fruit
• Use soymilk to make cream soups
• Try soymilk instead of evaporated milk to produce lower-fat custards and pumpkin pies

Recipes with Soymilk

Banana-Oat Pancakes | Better Bran Muffins | Fresh Fruit Muesli

Curried Carrot Soup | Creamy Tomato Soup | Quick Corn Chowder

Ranch Salad Dressing

O'Brien Potato Wedges | Confetti Vegetable Wedges

Macaroni Casserole | Pasta With Cream Sauce and Mushrooms

Vanilla Pudding | Smoothies | Raspberry Sherbert

Homemade Soymilk

It is BY FAR the greatest liquid to emerge since the human discovery of milk that squirts from titties.

Trust me!

Boo-YAH!

This morning turned unexpectedly around when Archie received a call from work reminding him of a shift he had indeed forgotten about...lol!

The crazy amount of snow determined a day of productive couching with bad ass tunes for me :D

Just finished up your cover letter, and I must say...that along with the resume we compiled...you're destined for a new West-end future ;)

Trying to convince myself that it'd be worth it to venture out into the white abyss of Toronto to buy something new to wear to party it up tonight...but meh...it's not like I *actually* have nothing to wear, heh :P
(even though I'm pretty sure it's impossible not to feel that way sometimes as a girl!)

Food of the Day: Baklava

Baklava or baklawa is a rich, sweet pastry featured in many cuisines of the former Ottoman countries. It is a pastry made of layers of phyllo dough filled with chopped walnuts or pistachios and sweetened with syrup or honey.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baklava

It's one of my absolute favourite occasional indulgences and when done right seriously tastes like some sort of nectar soaked pastry from the ancient gods!
*drools*

It could always be worse...

3 and a half hours later, a dead Mini Cooper, baklava and plaintain chips for lunch, and a $35 cab ride back to work...so goes another errand during an afternoon in the life of a Southern Ontario personal assistant :P

I have so much work to do it's scary...really scary...*eep*

I'd give anything not to have to worry about myself as much as I do now...

I need to stop numbing myself as much as I have been lately...but it's so hard not to, since (aside from sleeping the world away) it's the easiest way to deal with having too much on my plate...

I hate not thinking...I need to get things sorted out sooner then later so I can recommence that vital part of living I love so much :(

Wish I could just be an awesome 60's housewife sometimes...I'm still completely baffled how to even remotely combine full time work, school, cooking, and the rest...

Stuck

I need to let out some pain...really hoping I get to schedule my first tattoo after I get my income tax return this year.

I can't keep holding in everything, yet I'm not allowed to just let it go...bleed, bleed, BLEED!

Until then...drone, drone, drone :\

Whorelore

I thought you said I -wouldn't- like World of Warcraft cutie ;)

http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0809,ruberg,347182,24.html

lol

Survival of the Fittest

I'm really starting to feel as though it's time to face, and own up to...life.

Not an easy request, but one I'd like completed sooner then later...

I haven't necessarily been dealt the greatest hand, but I don't think that should matter...best 2 out of 3, right? :P

My hippie leanings make it hard to conqour and love the corporate money driven soceity I'm currently a part of...but I'm in debt to every credit company alive...and should probably consider assuming a new indentity...*ponders*...hmmm

In the mean time...'mean-time' sounds so sinister and negative...I'm changing it to 'grin-time' <--- much better :)

In the grin time, I know I can do everything I want and need to. It's just going to require every fibre of patience, love, laughter, and positivity (and quite probably magic) I have ;)

Did I mention the love of my life is going to be moving in?!?
*swoons*
<3

- Note to self -

Talking to your already super awkward landlord while high out of your mind (and very awkward yourself), should never be done again!
LOL
I feel like Pickles when he tried to buy the cinnamon bun franchise..."...too drunk...too drunk."

Oh...and...from now on rent is $740 and the gas bill from Enbridge is separate, which is currently around $65 dollars per month...wonder how much we can shave off (time to put my David Suzuki teachings into place and eco-muse assess my own place for environmentally friendly updates! hehehe), ...I'll gladly just constantly light those crazy coloured candles ;)

Mrs. Rip Van Winkle

I'm super sleepy, which isn't shocking cosidering the hour, the fact that I'm burnt out, and that I'm always sleepy after the sun sets :P

I'm quite happy with the work I accomplished today...even though it was somehow completed between the hours of
9:30am-1:30am, 3:00pm-5:00pm, and 11:30am-1:00am...
I still have tons to do...as always, but once I whittle down a bit more this weekend, Monday should be quite pleasant :)

Every day HAS been quite pleasant lately admittedly...it's a breeze when you have someone special to coast through life with...so long as we're on the same cloud, living becomes it's own heaven (and way better then I've heard it described) <3

I hope I get to be your first and last roommate...I promise to shame anyone who claims they'd be better at it then me! ;)

I must make you feel old, lol...

Had hoped to itinerize this weekend, but alas...everything always works out for us anyways!

So much time and so little to say. Wait a minute...strike that, reverse it...the great Willy Wonka was right -

Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

Sweet dreams <3

Hi

Get used to a lot more writing here!

I made a firm decision to journal A LOT more, and not just the tripe I post to my ravey gravey one.

I really need to uncensor the thoughts in my head, be they happy/sad/mad/...and I know I can't do that amongst the insanely incestual scene (aka - people Kyle and I have slept with - lol, kidding!) that has access to PR.

Sorry if anything I ever say gets too graphic Miss R. *blush*, but I think we're perfectly able to have a friendship where that really doesn't matter...I don't judge, and I highly doubt you do either <3

I'd like to try to post a bit of a weekly summarization after I finish work around midnight tonight to start :)

What now?

Apparently, I need a new job.

I really like the one I have...but it's costly and kinda super stressful...

I'm young, and I strongly dislike, and make efforts to eliminate stress...at ALL TIMES!
It's horribly aging and painful at the best of times...and I for one, am not a fan.

*sigh*

This world is lucky I love change :\

Bring it on!

I have a lot to be happy about regardless, and honestly, I know if I think positively and enjoy myself along the way it'll be a good time :)

<3

P.S - I think Kyle danced his way into my soul...

Restart

I need to save up for a good mp3 player.

Not sure that I really want to, since there are other pressing purchases I'd like...but if the incident that I had to survive last week had any ground (which it apparently did) due to my retention of that music player of Kyle's...then...I just need to.

We still had a great weekend, and I'm so very grateful for all the help that I received throughout it.

I'm looking forward to getting my Autoshare account reactivated for work (and personal ventures), and I hope there's no trouble there.

Feeling really weird today...but I can't put my finger on the exacts of it just yet...

I think I just need some nice quiet time alone :)

Melting

Even the most frigid of Shiva's can be heated ever so slightly under the right conditions.

Mr. Fahrenheit usually knows exactly where to turn the dial ;)

I might still be cool to the touch...but have now defrosted and am ready to bake...lol...vape, vape, vape!

Here's hoping that all's well that ends well...

Love always,

me

<3

Everyday I love you less and less...

^
Song (I forget the artist) chorus reference...although fitting to the day I had...

Not really sure why I'm internet immortilizing it here, since it's certainly not one I want to remember, but everything happens for a reason I suppose.

Pretty sure I had a heart attack (of some sort) today, and I think I need to make sure it's mended sooner then later...gah
Maybe you just can't have Earth and Fire...without...Wind?
heh...

I dunno.

&and&

I remember Kyle telling me I couldn't say that I would "...give my left nut..." or something to that effect, since I don't have the proverbial appendage...lol...I dunno what the equivalent would be I suppose!
:P
Also...
He said that he'll get purtied up one day makeup and everything...not sure myself that he'll look good since he's such a manly man to me <3
...but oh my frickin' god it'd be crazy super fun :D

Two Faced

Miss R...

Archie pointed out that I tend to neglect this journal with regards to the 99.9% of happy times that him and I have, as I tend to remember to write here mostly in times of distress :P

It obviously didn't occur to me that I was doing that...but it's true!

I write little happy blurbs, more often then not, in my purerave journal (buttahflye), since I tend to be logged in talking to friends there pretty much every day.

So yah...

I guess the 'Wheel of Morality' lesson here is:

The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind.

hehehe

Squished Tomatoes

So apparently we both love each other too much!

Oh Archie...

<3

I'm supposedly the articulate one, yet your words and thoughts are always so much more clearer than mine.

We've both expressed our distaste for those tears (that have appeared as of late) in my eyes, and I know and believe how unbearable it must be when they're heard over the phone...
yet just a few unpleasant-ish calls, and here I am...stoned :P...but even without that...BETTER <3

I do love you too much!

Metaphorically Speaking

I think a better online journal...or should I say better online 'journaling' is definitely in order. It hasn't been made a priority, but it will be a higher ranking technological daily item soon enough!

One of the *many* items I will be properly scheudling and organizing into my new and improved life this week...okay...next week probably...since this one is half over and about to get seriously hectic :P

There's a painting of the utmost perfect picture that's been etched into a lovely permanent alcove in my brain <3

I've waited a long time for this priceless work of art and I plan to accoutre it justly.

Off I go for the weekend!

I'm still in training too though...so I'll be taking a car for this excursion ;)

What Happened?

I sure wish I knew...
:(

All's well that ends well...

(The only pic in existence of us in our element New Year's Eve.! hehehe)

I really couldn't have asked for a better end and start to this new year!

It was pretty well perfect in every way <3

Suppose I should have known better since we have such amazing luck and good energy when we're out together...but it's never safe to assume anything, so yay to no/low expectations, heh.

Two of the mid-sized hold ups in my life have now been lifted and cleared from my worries, which I can now replace with greater things.

Oh man...I'm just SO super smiley today :D

Glad I've held off on getting my first tattoo (thank you older brothers that have so many they regret :P )...I think I'll *finally* be truly ready to live up to what I've been wanting permanently inked onto myself for quite some time now, this year...now I (or should I say 'we') just have to find the perfect typeface for it ;)